The failure of American companies to back what until recently would
have been considered a mainstream educational exhibition reflects the
growing influence of fundamentalist Christians, who are among President
George W Bush's most vocal supporters, over all walks of life in the
In a related development, the Creation Museum in northern Kentucky now has downloadable PowerPoint slides for those who want to evangelize the literal interpretation of the Bible. Interested? Go here.
Former Louisiana State Representative, Grand Wizard of the KKK, and Republican David Duke recently visited Syria to sing the praises of half-bright dictator Bashar al-Assad. In an interview with state-controlled Syrian media, Duke said this about the President:
Bush is not a very smart man, and he is totally under the thumb of the Jewish supremacists.
Then he said this about the war in Iraq:
Well, as a patriotic American - and I come here not as a Syrian
partisan, but as an American patriot - it's more shocking for me than
it should be for you, because our sons and daughters are being killed
in Iraq, are being wounded, innocent Iraqis have died, America is being
hurt, and yet we have this policy which is only for Israel. This war is
completely about Israel...
Then he explained his common victimhood with Arab despots:
It is not just the West Bank of Palestine, it is not just the Golan
Heights that are occupied by the Zionists, but Washington D.C., and New
York, and London, and many other capitals in the world.
Which ought to demonstrate that the left is not the only source of kooks in the world.
For a complete list of Judge Samuel Alito's friends and family who are available to be interviewed about what a fine man the judge is, go here. Included on the list is David Bonanni, President of Bonanni Realtors in Mercerville, New Jersey. Judge Alito was once Mr. Bonanni's babysitter.
Publicists are people who get paid to, among other things, suggest ridiculous things with a straight face. For example, this recent press release from Proctor & Gamble, in which the publicist suggests that you start a lovely evening off by insulting your host:
Holiday party hostesses often receive a bottle of wine as a polite gift from party-goers. This season, bring something less predictable -- Scentstories, a machine that plays discs featuring a collection of candle-like scents, will long outlast a bottle of beverage, and can be used during the party to enhance the ambiance.
If someone showed up at my house with a room deodorizer as a gift, I'd toss him out on his ear. That would be like giving a girlfriend control-top panty hose or your boss a copy of The Five Minute Manager.
Scentstories, by the way, is an electric room freshener that "gives you a unique quality candle-like experience." It comes in several trademarked scent themes, including strolling through the garden, wandering barefoot on the shore, and relaxing in the hammock. In my experience, relaxing in the hammock smells a lot like beer and sweat. What gift could be lovlier than that?
The aesthetic crisis that is people with big asses is apparently turning into a medical crisis as well. It seems that standard-sized hypodermic needles are no longer long enough to reach through our butt fat and into the butt muscles beneath. The problem, according to Reuters, is particularly acute among women.
Standard-sized needles failed to reach the buttock muscle in 23 out of
25 women whose rears were examined after what was supposed to be an
intramuscular injection of a drug.
First of all: I want to know how one gets a job examining women's rears. Is formal education required, or is a lifelong course of independent study sufficient?
And second of all: What about men who need rabies shots, which are given in the stomach? Are all those big fat pot bellied guys -- like, for example, me -- at great risk? Should we not have dogs? Or can we have dogs, but leave the walking of those dogs to our wives who, according to the study, are getting a little big in the ass and could really use the exercise?
And what about stretch pants? It seems to me, as long as we're worrying about the health effects of big asses, we ought to pass some legislation about big asses and stretch pants, which combined make me sick.
UPDATE: My regular reader emails to ask how I find information like this. As it happens, every day I perform a number of searches of Yahoo! News. One of my regular search strings is "the buttocks are a good place." You'd be amazed what I find.