The Suburbs Hate Jesus

Yesterday the normally reasonable pastor of my church used his sermon to complain about the corruption of Christmas.  This is an annual theme, although this year it took an interesting twist.  Rather than emphasizing the commercialization of Christmas, this year he got on board the Christians-are-persecuted bandwagon.

I live in Kentucky, where Christians are so persecuted that state law bans the purchase of alcoholic beverages on Sunday mornings because it would be an affront to God.  On my way to church, I pass a public park that is decorated with huge electric lights spelling out "Merry Christmas!"  And if I decided to go to a different church there are about ten within a half-mile of my home.  So whatever persecution there may be, it's not very effective.

The pastor cited as evidence of Christian persecution the case of a family that had a nativity scene in its front yard, and that was ordered to take it down because it was offensive.  Shocking, if true.  But, fortunately, not true.

The example my pastor used was from Michigan, where a homeowner's association did, indeed, send a letter to a homeowner demanding that a large, plastic nativity scene be dismantled.  But the demand apparently had little to do with the subject matter of the display, and everything to do with the display itself.

Homeowner's associations, if you don't know, are quasi-governmental bodies that regulate stupid stuff in real estate developments.  People move to HOA neighborhoods because it gives them confidence that their neighbors won't do trashy things that bring down property values, like painting their house pink or parking a jalopy on blocks in their front yard.  HOAs are voluntary associations that regulate behavior that is beyond the reach of government.  They use as their legal basis documents called "Codes, Covenants, and Restraints" (CCRs) which are a part of each property's deed.  If you don't want to live by the neighborhood CCRs, you can buy in another neighborhood.

Here's an example of the kind of trivia CCRs regulate, from someplace called "Windermere":

The WHOA Board hereby deems aluminum foil, and similar high-reflectivity metallic materials, used as window coverings to be unsightly and consequently a violation of Section 3.14 of the CCRs.

So if you work nights and use aluminum foil to block out sunlight so you can sleep, the neighborhood association can force you to take it down.

Back 15 years ago, when I was writing for Home magazine, I covered a lot of HOA stuff.  HOAs were all the rage among developers who wanted to appeal to people who thought the world was going to hell in a handbasket.  They were primarily tools used by neighborhoods filled with conservative, middle-class people who didn't like tasteless, upwardly-mobile "newcomers" disturbing the neighborhood.

For developers, CCRs became statements of market positioning.  Developments aimed at upscale markets touted CCRs banning above-ground pools and boat parking in the driveway.  A little further down the socio-economic ladder, there were HOAs that banned changing a car's oil in the driveway or building non-approved sheds in the back yard.  My parents live in a development with CCRs that require mailbox posts to be made out of the same kind of brick as the house.  In California, the Sea Ranch development, which is targeted at fabulously well-to-do environmentalists, requires houses to have dune grass lawns and wood siding painted only colors chosen by an artist to match the community's natural setting.   

Typically, people don't pay any attention to their HOA or CCRs until they get a letter from an officious busybody declaring that something they've done to their house is a violation.  I interviewed one guy who'd painted his house a non-approved color.  His HOA was threatening to have his house repainted and send him the bill.  He was livid, claiming that the HOA was a violation of his fundamental rights.  He sued and lost, because he'd signed a piece of paper when he'd bought the house acknowledging that he had read, understood and agreed to live by the CCRs.

Which brings me back to Michigan and the great scandal that is the homeowner's association letter banning Christ from one family's front lawn.  It seems, on closer examination, that the whole incident has nothing to do with Christ or Christmas.  Instead, it has to do with the lawn, and the fact that the homeowner has erected a giant, glow-in-dark plastic display right up by the sidewalk.  The local CCRs clearly forbid lawn displays.

Dean Williams, the community association manager and author of the letter (ordering the removal of the display), said according to association rules in place since 2000 and signed by the Samonas when they bought the home in 2002, homeowners must request permission to place statues or lawn ornaments outside their home. The Samonas say they never signed any such document.

That particular covenant has nothing to do with suppression of religion.  It has everything to do with not wanting someone to decorate with lawn jockeys and triple-tiered birdbaths.  I'll bet you cash money right now that the Samonas signed the document they don't remember signing.  I've never seen a HOA case where the homeowner being meddled-with hadn't signed a document agreeing to the meddling in advance. 

I'd also bet that the developer who developed the CCRs did so with people like the Samonas in mind.  The ugly, unstated reality of HOAs and CCRs is that they're all about social class and conformity and middle-class fear of falling. Part of the appeal of HOA neighborhoods in general is that the CCRs keep people of different backgrounds from coming in and messing up the neighborhood. 

I don't know anything about the Samonas.  They're no doubt perfectly lovely people.  But they're nouveau in a neighborhood with pretensions of classiness, and part of their defense is in actuality a confession of guilt: They also decorated their lawn with a cement sculpture of a lion, and no one seemed to mind.  I'd bet that someone minded, that neighbors talked to neighbors about how tacky the Samona's house was getting.  But no one complained until the cheap plastic nativity scene made the street look like people named "Samona" might live there. That was more than someone in that neighborhood could live with.  The CCRs kicked-in just as they were intended.  In a couple of weeks the Wal-Mart accoutrements will be gone and the  neighborhood will return to normal.  Everyone's Christmas decorations will be what almost everyone agrees they should be: Little Italian lights covering the bushes and tasteful wreaths hanging from the doors.

There's nothing exceptional about the Samona's situation; hundreds of similar situations crop up every day.  They only become news when someone injects a component of moral outrage.  The article on the Samonas cites a previous dispute between a local HOA and a Marine Corps veteran who hung a flag from the balcony of his condo.  The veteran thought his Marine flag should be excused from the perfectly sensible regulation banning the hanging of banners from balconies.  His argument was: It's not just a sports team or something.  It's a Marine Corps flag.  How can you be against the Marine Corps in time of war?  The HOA said a flag is a flag and the dispute landed in court.  Guess who won.

The Samonas think their elaborate lawn display should be excused because it's a tribute to the birth of Christ.  They're considering filing a lawsuit to protect their religious rights.  And they're doing all this in a season when the media narrative is that Christians are in an uproar about discriminiation.  Here's my prediction: The suit will never be filed unless some media-hog national organization offers to pay the legal bills so they can use the Samonas to generate some P.R. 

No matter.  The horrifying oppression of the Samonas has become a part of our national folklore, another example of how Christians are persecuted.  My pastor, a reasonable man for whom I have great respect, is on-board the "Christians are persecuted" bandwagon, apparently without really understanding the example he was using.  The very nice people in my very mainstream Lutheran church agreed afterward in the church's hallways and Sunday school classes that yes, it is horrible how liberals are trying to outlaw Christmas. 

Me?  I'm trying to figure out how they're blaming this on liberals.  No one who has ever been to a suburban homeowner's association meeting would ever claim that it was a hotbed of liberalism.  Snobbish, certainly, but liberal?  I don't think so.  This whole thing has about as much to do with liberalism as it does with the man in the moon, no matter what anyone tells you.

Comments

[Wally]

We need to talk about this religion thing. I'm uncomfortable thinking of you as either someone who has suspended disbelief in something as unbelievable as "Aramaic Jew, dead 2000 years takes responsibility for everything, everywhere, forever" or as a hypocrite of the "the underlying moral principles are what I really believe in so I go along with the rest" ilk. You are too much the critical thinker to have a fuzzy concept that Christians will be "saved" and there's room in heaven for the good-hearted among the other faiths, too. Have you bought into the idea that Jesus is THE Way, all non-believers be damned? All 3 billion not to mention the 6 billion or so who've already died? Your Sunday mornings could be spent exploring what is true and enriching among the world's religions, giving your kids the moral underpinning (I know words like that sound ridiculous coming from me, dirtbag that I've been) they'll need in a time when corporate theft is called a different approach to accounting practices. I used to be very tolerant of other's beliefs but lately Christianity has taken an aggressive stance about America being a christian nation. When pushed, I push back.