It's Like a Nightmare You Can't Wake Up From

As if to illustrate that even smart people never learn, ABC is rumored to be considering Roseanne Barr to fill the fat/obnoxious chair on cat chat The View, empty since Rosie O'Donnell left to seek other opportunities.

The surgically modified Barr, who has spent hundreds of millions of dollars to make herself look like a Carnaby Street go-go dancer, is like O'Donnell in every way except that A) she's not a lesbian and B) her voice sounds like a bandsaw cutting galvanized metal.

Other candidates currently inspiring table talk in New York media circles are plastic surgery horror story Joan Rivers, Whoopi "what am I famous for" Goldberg, and Connie Chung Povitch.

I'm reminded of the story of Brandon Tartikoff, President of NBC, who, while hospitalized with cancer, actually watched his own network during the day, when he would otherwise have been working. What he saw horrified him so much that he quit television entirely.

Comments

[fish]

Tom,

I usually don't chide you for these posts but you are being manifestly unfair to Ms. Barr! Its entirely possible that shes a lesbian and we just don't know it yet!