In Which I Give a Speech Before a Professional Association

My best moment: Before I started, I asked people to turn on their cell phones, because the only hope of there being any laughs in the speech was someone's ridiculous ringtone going off when I was talking. When it actually happened two-thirds of the way though, it got a huge laugh.

No one threw anything at me, though there was food on the tables. No one left before I was finished speaking, though there were prominently marked exits. When I was done, they gave me a $20 gift card for Border's Books. The guy who handed it to me suggested I use it to buy a book on public speaking. I think he was joking.