The Thing Is, We're Educators So We Have To Take Everything Extremely Seriously

A substitute teacher with apparent mental health issues took off her pants in front of her fourth grade class. OK, none of us wants that. But here's the school's nightmarishly efficient reaction:

During the incident, the school was placed in a code-red lockdown. Students and teachers were required to go to the nearest room, lock the doors, and cover the windows.

So, to recap: An emotionally disturbed woman takes off her pants and they institute a procedure designed to thwart an armed attack against the school. Which action do you think is more traumatic, 30 kids in one classrooms seeing a woman with no pants on, or every single kid in the school being ordered to hit the dirt while the teacher -- for reasons not disclosed -- locks the door and closes the venetian blinds?

And, as if that weren't enough, the kids will be further tormented by teams of psychologists dispatched to the school to ooze empathy, introduce therapeutic vocabulary and insulate the school district from legal action.

The ass-covering that's going on here has nothing to do with the semi-nude substitute teacher. Here's what the Assistant Superintendent, called in to deal with the media, had to say:

We think it was an isolated incident...

Of course it's an isolated incident, you ninny. Do you seriously think there's going to be an outbreak of pants-free substitute teachers?

...and the school and the staff acted very quickly to deal with it. The school did an exemplary job in dealing with this unforeseen circumstance.

I think we need to cut back on the in-service training in crisis management. When these people swing into action, it's scarier than the crisis they're managing.

Comments

[Pursuit]

Was she hot?

[syd]

HAHAHAHA! Pursuit, that is SO wrong.

This is similar to the zero tolerance bullshit. Makes me crazy.

[Frank]

Given the overreaction, I would say she is probably smoking hot. If she was some middle aged, saggy leftist, they could have called it an anti war protest and obtained a government grant to spread these types of protests throughout the education system.

Oh God, I'm starting to sound like Squid.

[Wally]

" We think it was an isolated incidentand the school and the staff acted very quickly to deal with it. The school did an exemplary job in dealing with this unforeseen circumstance."

This school district has been infiltrated. The Ass. Superintendent's quote was ridiculous but intelligible. A real educator would have used "Educatorese" with enough passive-voice mumbo jumbo of verbicized nouns that no one would have known what she was saying.

[Squidley]

Oh, man you guys crack me up!

Frank, I think we have more in common than you suspect; I apologize for not expressing myself more clearly earlier. My "problem" is that my assumptions are so far removed from the liberal assumptions that are the basis of modern society that I sometimes forget that I would need to write multipage essays just to introduce the casual reader to the point of view underpinning my comments.

As for this incident...

Overreaction? Of course.

Appropriate response now? Fire the sub.

How to avoid repeat incidents? Implement higher training and testing standards, including mental health evaluations and background checks.

Chance of this happening? As great as the chance I will flap my arms and fly to the moon.

[Tom]

In fact, Squid, the school district already does those things -- and will no doubt do more after this "isolated incident."

The lesson here is that you can be ridiculously careful and people are still going to flummox you once in a while. Maybe we should stop trying to prevent everything we don't want to happen and instead just accept that life is sometimes a little wacky. Fire the substitute, tell the kids the poor woman was mentally ill and is getting help, and go on to the next lesson. Everyone's back on track in fifteen minutes.

[Conrad]

"Anybody who doesn't know what's wrong with America's schools never screwed an el-ed major."

P.J. O'Rourke

[Tom]

One of my favorite quotes ever.

[Squidley]

Good answer, Tom.

Good erudition, Conrad. BTW, does anyone else remember when PJ O'Rourke wrote for the National Lampoon?

[Frank]

Squid,

I was just having a little fun at your expense. What they hey, I make a fool of myself enough that it's fun to pick on someone else every once in a while. :-)

[Squidley]

No problem, Frank.

[michelle]

Brazilian?

[Wally]

Michelle waxes eloquent.