Next time you come across one of those lawyer-written disclaimers warning, for example, that a product that no one in their right mind would eat is "not for internal use," remember this:
I guess you don't have to be all that bright to be a "tanning technician," and I guess spending your days spray painting the gelatinous sprawl of typical Indiana teenagers and housewives would build up in even the most sensible man a certain indifference toward situations that would seem -- to people in the outside world -- impossible to innocently explain.
But what kind of oblivious, slack-jawed moron do you have to be to go into a private booth with a naked 15-year old girl for any reason whatsoever, let alone for the specific purpose of applying cosmetics to the soft, smooth, gently curved skin of -- just to pick a place -- the insides of her thighs? Is this not conclusive evidence that the "tanning technician" involved is sufficiently stupid that he shouldn't be allowed to operate equipment even as complicated as electric light switches and -- God forbid -- toothpicks?
It would take a court order to get me, personally, to apply body paint to a naked 15-year old girl, and even though I was almost literally at the point of a gun I would still delay long enough to line-up witnesses, make sure there were accurate transcripts of all conversations pertinent to entering the room, and run a quick test to make sure the highly redundant system of cameras videotaping the actual spray painting is working. During the spray painting itself, I would not get within five feet of the naked 15-year old girl. I would wear thick gloves and mummify everything from my navel to my knees with three layers of duct tape.
Even with all of that, I'd make sure my wife was right there with me the whole time.
Apparently, much as we scorn warnings that, for example, one should not use electric blankets in the bathtub, there really are people thick enough that they need to be told not to do obviously dangerous and stupid things. So an Indiana legislator is telling them, proposing a law that would forbid adult male "tanning technicians" from spray painting naked, underaged girls. It is a law that, in the future, people will marvel at.
"How stupid do they think we are?" someone like me will ask in the future.
The answer is, of course, pretty damned stupid.