FunctionalAmbivalent

Unfortunate Name of the Day

Jacques Tits, mathematician and bon vivant.

Really, This is Getting Embarrassing

German Chancellor Angela Merkel investigates and finds Barack Obama "well-equipped."

If the Court Had Ruled the Other Way, How Would the Ruling Be Enforced?

The defamation case filed by the Isle of Lesbos against everyone in the world who uses the term "lesbian" to describe women who either A) are sexually attracted to other women or B) turn down the sexual advances of bitter, slobbering, drunk men, has been dismissed.

In a July 18 decision, the Athens court said the word did not define the identity of the residents of the island, and so it could be validly used by gay groups in Greece and abroad.

No word on how Lesbian lesbians feel about the ruling.

I'm Seriously Considering Adding a "Self-Parody" Category to This Blog

A "Pray At the Pump" movement has formed. The point of it is that Americans should gather at gas stations to pray for lower gas prices. After several sessions of gas station prayer, participants decided to change locations, gathering at the Saudi embassy where they apparently felt God would be more likely to hear them.

"Our people are really suffering through this crisis," (the organizer, Rocky) Twyman told Cybercast News Service. "We need the Saudis to release at least 1.2 [million] barrels of oil per day for about the next six months until we can get everything settled in America ... (I)f they can just do that for us, than this will help us get through this crisis."

So, to recap: Self-proclaimed Christians are praying in front of a Muslim embassy that Arabs highly hostile to Christianity will lower gas prices so that we can continue our profligate, self-indulgent and debt-powered lifestyle.

I, personally, am hoping God has better things to do.

It's Like They've Never Met a Black Person Before

First, Fox News talks to Barack Obama about basketball, and now the Washington Times declares Obama a better barbecue guest than John McCain.

I Think This Explains a Lot About Why, In the South, They Cook Their Green Beans Until They're Nothing But Mush

Here is a bar graph of the percentage of people over 65 who have no teeth, by state. Kentucky, where I live, comes in second -- which doesn't surprise me because I occasionally go to the mall. I'm pretty sure we'd be up near the top on a list of overly stressed stretch pants, too.

Anyway, 38.1% of Kentucky's elderly residents are packin' a mouth full o' nothing. West Virginia, thankfully, is even worse, at 42.8%.

Interestingly, all of the 10 states leading in toothlessness voted Republican in the last Presidential election. In fact, the top 15 voted for President Bush. Of the 10 states with the best dental hygiene, seven voted Democratic.

Thanks for the tip to Syd, who can only be so smug because her home state of Alabama came in 4th.

Get a Piece This Weekend

A regular old watermelon, it seems, contains an amino acid that has much the same effect as Viagra.

Win-Win Situation

Actor -- of sorts -- Stephen Baldwin says he will leave the country if Barack Obama is elected President. On the other hand, if John McCain becomes President, Susan Sarandon has promised she'll emigrate.

Is It Just Me, or Does It Seem Like The Beijing Olypics Are Turning Into a Japanese Horror Film?

Giant algae bloom threatens Olympic sailing venue. While there is some concern that the seaweed may swallow-up sailboats going for Olympic gold, there is apparently no evidence that the seaweed is intelligent. Yet.

Obvious Joke

The French Army, putting on demonstration of hostage-freeing techniques, used live ammunition rather than blanks, injuring 17 people. Officials expressed surprise at the mistake, saying that "experienced soldiers" should have no trouble telling live ammunition and blanks apart.

That would depend, of course, on what their experience is.