FunctionalAmbivalent

What Size Cup Would You Like?

I'm spending a lot of time in coffee shops lately. I take my laptop and background materials, find a nice table and generate billable hours. I like coffee shops, even though I generally drink iced tea rather than coffee. I like the background noise and gentle pace, and it gets me out of the house.

Which is why I was interested in this particular entrepreneurial innovation: the topless coffee shop.

Eight customers -- all men -- stopped by the coffee shop between 10 and 11:15 a.m. Tuesday. Staff members estimated they had between 50 and 60 customers on Monday, despite a snowstorm; of those customers, about eight were women, they said.

As I am wont to do when matters of this sort come up, I imagined myself a customer of the Grand View Topless Coffee Shop, sitting at a table along the wall, my laptop plugged in and stuff spread out over the table as I worked. And it occurred to me that it would take about five minutes for the toplessness of the waitresses to become a non-issue, or even kind of depressing. Thinking about a slow afternoon, the staff just kind of killing time and a couple of slackers like me hanging out: there's really nothing sexy about it.

I did get a kick out of a couple of things about the story, though. First, one of the waitresses is 43 years old. And, second, the local community activist against public nudity is named Paula Furbush. I smiled when I read that.

Seasonal Observation

The only good thing about Winter is French Onion Soup.

Drink Up, Rich People. Wineboy's Got Places To Be.

Remember this? It's tonight. The line-up is three whites, three reds and a sticky:

1. Xarmant Txakolina -- a disposable, slightly spritzy Basque white, just to get the conversation started. I think we paid $9 a bottle for a case of this at a tasting last summer.
2. Nova Serra Greco di Tufo 2006 -- an ancient grape from southern Italy, grown in volcanic soil. About $15, but it would be less if they hadn't spent so much on the bottle and fashionable screened label. My original plan would have had three Spaniards, so I dropped the spectacular Penedes white for this relatively undistinguished Italian. It's ridiculous to do an obscure grape tasting without something from Italy.
   
3. Pierre Sparr Pinot Gris 2005 -- I've never met an Alsatian Pinot Gris I didn't like. Fragrant, fruity, and fresh, just like me. $17.
4. Marques de Riscal Rioja Reserva 2003 -- If you're not drinking tempranillo-based wines from Spain you're spending too much money on wine. This is as close to a house wine as Mrs. A and I have. At about $15 a bottle, tempranillos are one of the few wines that successfully bridge summer and winter. The Rioja hierarchy is based on how long the wine spends in oak, with Reserva sitting midway between the lightly oaked Crianzas and the monstrous Gran Reservas.
5. Bodega Norton Reserva Malbec 2005 -- Malbec is a blending grape in Bordeaux that adds color and tannic backbone. In Cahors it's the source of the legendary "black wines," knuckle-draggers that take years to calm down enough to drink. Transplanted to the New World Malbec is elegant and inexpensive. Bodega Norton is in Argentina, and it's a spare-no-expense winery project of the Swarovski family, which made billions selling crystal tchotchkas to little old ladies. A bargain at $20, though there are decent Malbecs down in the low teens.
6. Chateau de Pibarnon Bandol Rouge 2000 -- Bandol is a teeny AC on the Mediterranean coast that makes rustic reds out of Mourvedre, a grape that's the best of Chateauneuf's blend and that, going by the name monastrell, makes some dandy bargains down along the Costa Blanca in Spain. Generally, Bandols don't get good until they're 10 years or older but, frankly, I'm not burning a precious bottle of properly aged stuff on a room full of strangers. I've got a surplus of the 2000s, so they'll have to settle. Mrs. A and I split a bottle last weekend and it was just fine, sleek and powerful but with a few revealing sharp edges remaining. At roughly $35 a bottle, this is the most expensive wine in the tasting. But patience adds value, so I wouldn't be surprised if this would bring as much as $40 at auction. Anytime you see a Bandol, buy it and put it down in the basement for a few years.
   
7. M. Chapoutier Banyuls 1998 -- Fortified red from down by the Spanish border in France, sometimes referred to as "poor man's Port." This is a wine that was made to go with chocolate. That's how I'll serve it, with blocks of medium-dark, semi-sweet chocolate. The women will swoon and the men will sense opportunity, making note to seek Banyul in liquor stores. They won't find it, at least in Kentucky. It's about $17 a half-bottle, and it bugs the hell out of me that I'm going to have to burn two to get everyone a decent taste.

The buyers of the tasting have alloted one hour before dinner, which cuts down on required banter.