FunctionalAmbivalent

Another New York Trend That I, Personally, Hope Doesn't Spread to Kentucky

Urban nudists.

I'm perplexed by nude restaurants. I'm intrigued by nude yoga. I'm appalled by nude stand-up comedy.

He Was Kind of Quiet and Kept To Himself

The IT guys are circulating this article. I have no idea why.

Just In Case You Doubt the Green Party's Seriousness...

...note that they held their convention over the weekend and have nominated not-the-least-bit-crazy former Congressional Representative Cynthia McKinney for the Presidency.

McKinney is a 9/11 Conspiracy Theorist and is perhaps best known for assaulting a security guard at the U.S. Capitol.

McKinney's vice presidential nominee will be self-described "hip-hop activist" Rosa Clemente.

Here's a Bad Idea

The City of San Francisco appears ready to memorialize George W. Bush:

In November, alongside casting their ballot for the next president, the people of San Francisco will also vote on a measure to rename one of the city's largest sewage works the George W Bush Sewage Plant, to provide a "fitting monument" to the outgoing commander-in-chief's achievements.

There's a performance art wing of the Democratic Party on the far left that is entirely about taking actions like this. They pull all kinds of stunts that are designed to offend and alienate those who adhere to more-or-less middle class values. Those stunts never, ever advance their political cause, but then that's not the point. The point is to make the participants feel good about their own moral purity.

Treating people -- even reviled Presidents -- with respect is one of those things we're supposed to do because it's right, but it's also something that pays real-world dividends. In politics, the collegiality that sometimes frustrates those of us on the outside -- the go along, get along culture of Washington back-slapping -- makes it possible for politicians to fight it out one day and work productively together the next.

On the other hand, the creation of a deliberate, permanent, tax-payer-financed, partisan insult only makes it harder for us to do anything but yell at each other. And while yelling has it's place -- read my comments section sometime -- we all ought to remember that winners of elections should never be too smug and losers should never be made to feel too helpless. It was only four years ago, after all, that Republicans had control of the White House, both houses of Congress, the Supreme Court and were confident that they were on their way to a permanent majority. Their anger and overreach caused a political crash-and-burn that historians will marvel at for a hundred years.

Politics is a cyclic business, and if the last few years have proved anything it's that those cycles get shorter and shorter all the time. Kicking the other guys when they're down may feel good, but it's not an effective way to maintain public support. Respect seems like a wiser course to take.

You Know Those Diversity Training Seminars Corporations Put Their Employees Through? The San Francisco Chronicle Needs To Put Together Some Training On Self-Parody.

While the right tries to set Barack Obama up as a terrifying "other," there are those on the left who are doing the same thing, with a twist.  "Notes & Errata" columnist Mark Morford:

Barack Obama isn't really one of us. Not in the normal way, anyway.

Could have come out of Karl Rove's mouth so far, except that far from believing Obama to be a Muslim or radical black nationalist, Mr. Morford believes him to be a "Lightworker." Which is:

...that rare kind of attuned being who has the ability to lead us not merely to new foreign policies or health care plans or whatnot, but who can actually help usher in a new way of being on the planet, of relating and connecting and engaging with this bizarre earthly experiment. These kinds of people actually help us evolve. They are philosophers and peacemakers of a very high order, and they speak not just to reason or emotion, but to the soul.

I want to just take a moment to say: I miss smoking weed. You know, sitting around the dorm all afternoon with nothing to do but reload the bong and space-out going to class, coming to grips with big spiritual issues, finding the unity, that kind of thing.

I don't know what made me think of that. Anyway:

There's a vast amount of positive energy swirling about that's been held back by the armies of BushCo darkness, and this energy has now found a conduit, a lightning rod, is now effortlessly self-organizing around Obama's candidacy.

I volunteered in Obama's Louisville office, and I guarantee there's nothing self-organizing about his campaign.

Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt.

People and emotions and ideas of high and positive vibration are automatically drawn to him. It's exactly like how Bush was a magnet for the low vibrational energies of fear and war and oppression and aggression, but, you know, completely reversed.

In the aftermath of 9/11, Bush-worshipers on the right gushed with adoration for their Hero. It was so over-the-top I was sure I'd never see anything like it again. But here we are.

Given That There's Not a Lot Funny About McHillbama, This Is a Gift From God

Alan Keyes is leaving the Republican Party to campaign for the nomination of the Constitution Party.

"No other 'third party' is as well-established as the Constitution Party," said Keyes. "They've been around since 1992, and have built a significant grassroots presence among patriotic, Constitution-minded citizens — with a registered membership of over 350,000. Conservatives have a home in the CP that they can find nowhere else, given the decline in the Republican Party's credibility as a voice and vehicle for conservatism."

Keyes candidacy will generate good joke material for the duration of the campaign. This is particularly important in the closing months of the Democratic campaign, which is every bit as much fun as a heavyweight fight between Jerry Quarry and a couple of thousand pounds of clay.

As Long As We're All In the Mode of Expressing Horror At Things People We Basically Agree With Say and Do, This

Antiwar group Code Pink protests:

And this week, which will see the fifth anniversary of the start of the war, Code Pink plans to "step up the pressure," as its leader Medea Benjamin said. According to the San Francisco Chronicle, "Code Pink has a full roster of activities planned for the week, including: yoga every morning at 8:30; organic potlucks every noon; nightly movies and popcorn; a bike ride around Berkeley on Tuesday; an open-mike musical jam on Wednesday; and a 'send-off' to the Marines on Friday, when protesters will bring suitcases and pink berets for traveling." How the Bush administration will be able to resist is anyone's guess.

Conservatives occasionally dismiss liberalism as self-obsession, and I generally argue against that because I'm a lefty and I don't think I'm self-obsessed. (He said, in a sentence containing the word "I" four times.) But Code Pink seems to think the only thing necessary to move the world is self-purification. That's nuts. Politics is about convincing people to agree with you.

For the record, I've dealt with crazy-assed people on the left before. Here, for example. And here.

Today's Conservatives

Last night I caught a little bit of conservative radio talk show host Bill Cunningham on Hannity & Colmes. Cunningham is having a little moment in the mainstream sun because, while working audience warm-up at a John McCain rally, he said things about Barack Obama that were offensive enough McCain felt the need to apologize for them.

If you want to know why conservatism as currently practiced is doing a Hindenberg, watch this:

This is the guy down the block you warn your kids to stay away from, a screaming lunatic whose freezer is no doubt stuffed with all the cats that have disappeared from the neighborhood.

No wonder people are running as fast as they can. Who'd want to be associated with people like this?

The Mike Huckabee of the Volga ValleyorKlown Prince

Russian presidential candidate Andrei Bogdanov is going to get creamed by establishment favorite and Alexander Putin protegee Dmitri Medvedev; of that there is little doubt. Despite that, Bogdanov won't pull out of the race and allow Medvedev to focus on his real opponents, paleo-commie Gennady Zyuganov and ultranationalist Vladimir Zhirinovsky.

Instead, Bogdanov continues his ultimately doomed campaign, toting along his grandmother as a campaign adviser and routinely fortifying himself before public appearances with strong drink.

The vodka had been flowing for about 30 minutes when Andrei Bogdanov poured another shot for the plump, elderly woman in a green beret.

"Grandma, will you debate [Vladimir] Zhirinovsky in my place next time?" the curly-haired presidential candidate asked Klavdia Bogdanova, 85, with a wink.

Bogdanov's continued presence in the race infuriates the Russian establishment, which would prefer that he go someplace where the media can't find him. That has led to some interesting moments, including a post-debate scuffle a few days ago during which Zhirinovsky, according to this account:

...showered (Bogdanov's campaign manager Nikolai) Gotsa with obscenities, calling him a "complete idiot" and an "insane person." After debates, Zhirinovsky pushed Gotsa violently in the back and told security guards to take him into the hallway and "shoot him."

This is, of course, no idle threat in Russia, where political outliers tend to have short life expectancies. And Zhirinovsky has a history of physically assaulting people who annoy him, having apparently done it twice in the last campaign. Bogdanov promises to file suit against Zhirinovsky, demanding that he be stripped of his diplomatic immunity -- which is apparently the equivalent of our Constitutional protection that politicians can't be arrested on the way to a session of Congress.

Russians being Russians, Bogdanov's continued presence in the race is thought to be part of some grand Kremlin conspiracy. But mostly, it seems like he's just in it to have fun and tweak the establishment.

Insane North Korean Dicatator Kim Jong Il Puts On Public Display His Vast Knowledge of Hog Sex

It's not just American politicians who are working the hog farms these days. It seems North Korea's Kim Jong Il is conducting a little Iowa-style campaign of his own.

Looking round the production processes on the farm, Kim Jong Il acquainted himself with the technological updating and pig breeding there. The breeding on the chicken farms and pig farms that sprang up in recent years has been put on a scientific basis and this resulted in leaping progress in livestock products...

While surveying the pig breeding operation, the three-foot-all dictator expressed satisfaction that workers were devoting their "wisdom and enthusiasm" to getting hogs to have leaping, scientific sex, saving himself the trouble of having anyone killed. He also admired an inspirational mural depicting happy workers working happily to the greater glory of their Dear Leader.

Noting that it is the aim of Korean-style socialism to protect and meet the wishes and interests of the people, he called on all fields and units to wage a dynamic drive to further develop the stock-breeding as a mass movement and thus provide the people with a more affluent and highly civilized life.

And then he left and everyone went back to starving to death.