FunctionalAmbivalent

Magic Number

Newt Gingrich has been married three times. Rush Limbaugh has been married three times. And the Weekly Standard's newest defender of traditional marriage has been married three times.

Angry, irrational, and -- apparently -- unlivable: America's conservative elite.

Unclear On Any Concept Whatsoever

Republicans have introduced legislation to declare 2010 The Year of the Bible.

Bring Your Own Clown Shoes

The Republican National Committee is holding a hastily-called meeting next week to address an issue of such great and immediate importance that it can't wait until their regularly scheduled meeting this summer. According to Politico:

A member of the Republican National Committee told me Tuesday that when the RNC meets in an extraordinary special session next week, it will approve a resolution rebranding Democrats as the “Democrat Socialist Party.”

No, seriously: that's what they're meeting for. Oh, there are a couple of other things on the agenda. They'll pat themselves on the back for speaking out against all those earmarks they wrote into the budget bill and congratulating each other for refusing stimulus funds they didn't actually refuse. But mostly they're just getting together to fling a little snot at Democrats.

Cognitive Dissonance

Unwed teenaged mother Britol Palin promotes sexual abstinence, underwritten by the manufacturer of teen-girl slutware. Gail Collins shakes her head in tired defeat here.

Who's the Celebrity?

Sarah Palin's Twitter page, complete with autograph.

Patriots

In a survey of Texas Republicans, 51% believe it may be necessary for the state to secede from the Union. A slightly lower percentage -- 48% -- think Texas would be better off if it were not part of the United States. Raw data here.

Because If There's One Thing Right-Thinking Americans Know, It's That the American Electoral and Judicial Systems Are a Threat To American Democracy

Norm Coleman, after losing at every level of Minnesota state court, is taking his state case to federal court -- and in the process asking the federal court to take its time.

Meanwhile, even his friends are catching on to his game:

This newspaper has endorsed Republican Coleman for every statewide race he’s run – governor in 1998, U.S. senator in 2002, and most recently in his re-election bid this past fall...The public perception at this point appears not to be one of letting Sen. Coleman fully seek redress of his legal grievances, but rather one of obstructing the Democrat-controlled Senate to prevent it from reaching that magic number of 60 votes. Adding Mr. Franken would mean 59 Democrat votes in the Senate. To continue to obstruct doesn’t bode well for Minnesota, nor for Sen. Coleman’s career, should he continue in politics.

But if it takes thwarting democracy to give defeated Republicans the power to bring government to a halt, then defeated Republicans are going to thwart democracy. Because, after all, nothing matter but adherence to their ideology, and their anger at the American people for voting for Democrats.

How To Make Yourself Look Stupid

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The current Republican outrage over President Obama acting politely in meeting Hugo Chavez is so ignorant of history it takes your breath away. Gingrich has a PhD in history. One might imagine he'd have some understanding of Presidential behavior. One would be wrong.

Photo Gallery:

Nixon and Kruschev.

Nixon and Mao.

Ford and Brezhnev.

Bush kisses Saudi King Abdulluh.

It's like Republicans are trying to make themselves look stupid by objecting to everything, no matter how unobjectionable it is.

Nostalgia For a Simpler Time: Rudy Discovers the Old Wedge Issues Don't Still Cut the Same Way

Former Least Effective Presidential Candidate (Maybe) Ever Rudy Giuliani, keen nose for political opportunity planted firmly up the butt of the Republican base, announces his opposition to a proposed New York law that would legalize gay marriage.

"This will create a grass-roots movement," the formerly relevant mayor declares.

Astute political observers believe the declaration to be the opening shot of Giuliani's gubernatorial campaign, positioning the thrice married former combover enthusiast -- who bunked with a couple of gay friends after his second wife tossed him out for public infidelity -- as the champion of heterosexual marriage. 

One day later, a poll is released indicating that while 39% of New Yorkers agree with Giuliani, 53% favor the new law.

Three Kinds of Stupid

When Senator Richard Burr (R-NC) got wind of the looming financial crisis last fall, he called his wife back home and told her to withdraw as much of their savings as she could from their bank. This indicates nothing good about Senator Burr, and makes him look stupid three different ways:

• He doesn't understand the role of the FDIC. The FDIC, as almost everyone knows, insures bank deposits in order to prevent bank collapses caused by panic withdrawals of people's funds. As everyone with a savings account ought to understand, Senator Burr surely ought to know that an FDIC-insured bank is about the safest place in the world to park money, and that by having his wife take big piles of cash out of the bank he was doing nothing but making his money vulnerable to theft.
• He's got nothing against trading on inside information. The political classes in Washington knew ahead of the general public the depth of the crisis. The time period when Senator Burr was telling his wife to withdraw their funds was the same time period when those responsible for the banking system were cobbling together the $700 billion TARP package to try to save the banking system. Operating presumably with knowledge of the pending collapse not fully released to the public, he took care of himself before taking care of his constituents.
• He's talking about it now. After committing a craven act of self-interest based on an appalling misunderstanding of how our banking system works, Senator Burr is apparently using the story to make himself seem more like just one of the folks. You know: the folks being urged to stand tough while he's climbing into the lifeboat.

I'm sure there are other members of the political classes who've done similar things. They're just smart enough not to talk about it.