Come As You Are

To raise money to promote safe sex, the Center for Sex & Culture is holding a Masturbate-A-Thon.  People of all inclinations -- though mostly those inclined to masturbate in public -- will gather at the Center's San Francisco headquarters to whack off for the benefit of all mankind. 

The pledges will be promised for the amount of time the pledgees spend masturbating. It's a group safer-sex event, a way to celebrate self-pleasure, and a fundraiser for the Center for Sex & Culture, the host organization.

Those who merely want to watch can, on a space-available basis, for $50 each.

If you'd prefer to masturbate in the privacy of your own home -- or perhaps in the comfort of a Starbucks with a wireless connection -- you can link via the Internet here.

Because the Masturbate-A-Thon is a competition -- there are both individual and team honors to be won -- there are rules.  Among the rules is:

NO FAKING ORGASM. Do not waste our time. If you have an orgasm we are happy for you but this is not our goal. The first detected faked orgasm shall be reason for a 15 minute penalty against accumulated time. The second detected fake orgasm shall be a thirty minute fine against accumulated time and the third will disqualify the offender from further competition at that event.

Somewhere in here I think there's a penalty box joke.  I'm just not sure where, and I don't really want to look around for it.

Here's more from the release (ahem) announcing the Masturbate-A-Thon:

The event is one of many National Masturbation Month events planned around the US and Canada, including many sponsored Masturbate-a-Thons. Unlike most of the others, the CSC's Masturbate-a-Thon is a live group event at which participants will raise funds by getting others to sponsor them for each minute they masturbate.

I can just imagine the conversation at the office:

Masturbator: Hi.  I'm taking part in a Masturbate-A-Thon this weekend and I was wondering if you'd sponsor me.
Co-Worker: Get out of my office you freak.  And for God's sake don't touch anything.

Doors open at 5:00 for "regular" participants and at 4:00 for those attempting to set time records.  I think that's kind of like the pro-am golf tournaments where they let the pros tee off first.

If you can't come, perhaps you can catch Betty Dodson, "The Mother of Masturbation," who's giving a how-to demonstration at the center on May 14.  The demonstration must be impressive, as it lasts for four hours.

Comments

[Dave]

Just where do you find these little gems.........?

[Tom]

I'm on a lot of interesting mailing lists.

[Conrad]

Wanting to do my bit for sex and culture, I approached my employer asking it to pay me for the time I would spend masturbaing . . . to which they responded "as opposed to what we're doing now?"