It happens every year around Christmas: Cops invite criminals on the lam to a too-good-to-be-true shindig, where they're rounded up en masse and hauled off to the pokey. This time, it was in Chicago:
Cook County Sheriff Tom Dart said Sunday that the suspects were invited to take a retailers' survey for holiday shoppers at a hotel earlier this month. Participants who brought along a scratch-off card that was included with the survey were promised at least $500. Those who showed up were taken into custody. One man who arrived with marijuana in his pocket was charged with possession on top of his previous charges.
As my regular reader knows, my history of criminal endeavor is fairly limited. But I'm steeped in the belief that some things are too good to be true, and when confronted with one you should head the other direction as quickly as possible. Every bad business deal I've ever lost money in started out as something too good to be true, and so has every social disaster I've ever caused or been part of.
Wally: "C'mon. There's a party over in Muggertown with free beer."
Tom: "No one gives away free beer."
Wally: "These guys are. It's a neighborhood club. We go, have a few, and slip out the back way. No one will even notice we're there!"
Tom: "I don't know."
Wally: "Just wear this red bandana. It's some kind of club insignia. We'll fit right in."
Tom: "I guess. But I've got to be home by midnight or my mom'll kill me."
Wally: "No problem!"
So if, around Christmas time, I got a postcard offering to pay me a ridiculous amount of money for participating in market research, I think I'd pass. Who knows? There might be an outstanding warrant for all those parking tickets I got back in college. No reason to take a chance.
The scratch-off card is brilliant showmanship, though. I'm going to have to remember that for my next direct marketing campaign.
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