FunctionalAmbivalent

An Interesting Erection

A sex theme park is being built in China.

Love Land is set to open in October in the southwestern metropolis of Chongqing and will feature exhibitions about sexual history and how to use condoms properly. It will also host sex technique workshops, the China Daily newspaper said.

A picture of the main entrance shows a signboard bearing the park's name being straddled by a giant pair of women's legs topped by a red thong.

There will reportedly be no "It's a Small World After All" ride in the park.

Also, I know of at least one regular F/A commenter for whom "a giant pair of (Chinese) women's legs topped by a red thong" is the realization of a lifelong fantasy.

Apparently, It Wasn't the Senator Who Felt the Heat

The Justice Department will apparently drop all charges against former Alaska Senator Ted Stevens. The charges are being dropped after Attorney General Eric Holder reviewed allegations of prosecutorial misconduct and, apparently, found them credible. The most serious allegations were that prosecutors withheld evidence from the defense, but the most interesting misconduct seemed to be this:

He also said that an FBI agent had an inappropriate relationship with a star prosecution witness. That agent wore a skirt one day at trial to please the witness...

You can read this a number of ways, the most entertaining of which is that and FBI hottie and a witness were flirting publicly during testimony -- she crossing and uncrossing her legs, he squirming in his chair and, as if deep in thought, holding two fingers in a "V" over his lips...

There are other, less salacious explanations, of course. But why bother with them?

Things Sure Have Changed Since I Was Single

After a poll last year indicated that women from New Zealand were the most promiscuous in the world, local media jumped on the story. You can imagine the editorial meeting:

Assignment Editor: Let's send Jennings out to local bars to interview attractive young women about their sex lives.
Another Reporter: How come Jennings gets to go? How come I never get to interview attractive young women about their sex lives?
Assignment Editor: Jennings is gay. He'll come back.

One newspaper (they apparently still have them in New Zealand) came back with the following data point.

The Sunday Star-Times' "Being a Bloke" survey last year found that 29% of the 5000 men surveyed felt they had been pressured into having sex or had had sex unwillingly.

I'm thinking if they just didn't dress so provocatively...

Maybe This Is Why My Wife Is Watching So Much CNN These Days

Time to put down the remote control, toss away the potato chips, and go down for a spin on the treadmill. American are fantasizing about the President again.

Many women — not too surprisingly — were dreaming about sex with the president. In these dreams, the women replaced Michelle with greater or lesser guilt or, in the case of a 62-year-old woman in North Florida, whose dream was reported to me by her daughter, found a fully above-board solution: “Michelle had divorced Barack because he had become ‘too much of a star.’ He then married my mother, who was oh so proud to be the first lady,” the daughter wrote me.

Time for us men to band together and start a grassroots campaign to elect a woman President. Then we can have the fantasies. The only problem is...

Previous outburst of Presidential humidity here.

Proof, If Any Were Necessary, That There's Someone For Everyone

Here.

As If It Were Even Remotely Possible

MSNBC runs an article that includes the sentence:

Avoid weaponizing your penis.

You know you want to read it.

The Anger and Frustration of the Right Explained

They can't buy vibrators.

"Honey? Why's There a Teapot Where the Coffee Maker Used To Be?"

According to a Swedish study, drinking coffee can make women's breasts smaller.

The Things You Miss In the Heat of the Moment

We've all been there: drinks and dancing, flirtation and whispered endearments, powerful urges leading to a "right now, right here" imperative. So it was with a couple of Lehigh University students who, apparently unable to contain themselves long enough to get to an indoor venue, pulled off into a dark parking lot to consummate their urgent love.

In situations like that, of course, it's easy to miss things. Who among us hasn't realized, after-the-fact, that our chosen mate was unattractive, or covered with vomit, or that there was a corporate picnic going on just a few feet away in one of the park's shelters? Or something, it's always something.

Anyway, here's a list of the things our Lehigh University students missed on their way to their sloppy, inevitably regrettable reward:

1. Police cars

That's right: In a world of dark playgrounds, empty office parks, and traffic-free cul de sacs, our Lehigh University students chose the Hellertown, Pennsylvania, police station parking lot as their emergency trysting spot. In fact, they chose a handicapped space in the Hellertown police station parking lot, that being the only parking place in the lot not occupied by patrol cars.

A passerby noticed the suspicious car there and called the cops. The cops moseyed out and, no doubt amid much professionally suppressed laughter, arrested the car's driver for drunk driving.

There is no word on whether there will be a second date.

Guaranteeing a New Generation of Catholic Boys in Need of Therapy

A priest in Italy is organizing a beauty pageant for nuns.